Moskvin Madness
by RedShocktrooper
Summary: Nikolai Moskvin, Isara Gunther, and Terror Drones... What could possibly go wrong? OOC, Parody. Rated T for Violence against Terror Drones.


**Moskvin meets the Gunthers**

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Nikolai Moskvin controlled a fairly potent force: It was called the Terror Drone.

He looked up at the sign; but, predictably, it was in English, so he couldn't read it. He requestioned (read: ordered with threat of slow and painful death) the aid of a Tesla Trooper who could read English after a Conscript mis-interpreted it as commemorating the end of a civilian uprising against the government. The Tesla Trooper translated it as actually reading that they had arrived at a place called Fort Something-or-other (the Trooper botched it, so Moskvin called it 'Fort Something-or-other').

Moskvin did as he normally did, and sent some of his beloved Terror Drones to scout around, and in general, screw things up for the people who called the base home.

After patting his favorite Terror Drone, one named "Sasha" and acted oddly like a dog, and providing it with some spare bolts from a Sickle (which promptly broke), he said to Sasha:

"Now, you be a good girl, and kill lots of Allied swine for me, OK?"

Sasha squeaked and whirred in response, as she (and about ten other Terror Drones) scampered off to do some fairly destructive mischief.

---

Squad Seven had just returned from a particularly brutal mission, but things were about to get worse. A strange, four legged creature-machine hybrid crawled out of the bushes. Welkin took out his sketchbook to draw the creature in, but it soon jumped into the Edelweiss, as sparks started flying.

Isara watched the strange contraption dart about, tearing out various important bits, until she found a good beating weapon, and whacked this thing in what appeared to be the head. It turned around, and directed the two claws it was using to tear apart the inside of the Edelweiss towards Isara, grabbing her by the shawl. She again whacked it with the wrench she'd found (normally, she wasn't so sloppy with her tools, but in this case, it was for the better), and struck one of the bolts on the outside of the thing.

One of the plates fell off, revealing delicate insides. The machine snapped at her (and tore her shawl off), but she soon put a stop to it by bashing it a few times in the insides. As the machine fell limp, she carried out out of the Edelweiss, and onto a work bench, wherein she began the HORRIBLE INHUMANE TASK OF DISMANTLING THE TERROR DRONE AGH (make the nightmares go away aaaaaaaah!)

She looked up upon hearing a "scree?" sound, and revealed the horror that was. Her front was plastered with the oil from within the Terror Drone, as she looked upon another one, lovingly labeled "Sasha."

Sasha, and the nine others, trembled in what would be their boots, and Isara knew that if she could get one of those Terror drones intact, she could do all sorts of things.

The horde of mechanical spiders ran from the young Darscen, who pursued the little devils, wrench in one hand, and wire cutters in the other.

Moskvin saw the pack of insectoid machines pass him bye, and paid it no mind. When he saw a blue-haired girl pursuing them, he stooped right there, and scratched his head. The girl caught up to his beloved Sasha (with which he spent many a night with... PLAYING FETCH, YOU SILLY), tackled her, and opened Sasha up. This made Moskvin angry; only one person on Lenin's green earth opened up Sasha, and that was Nikolai Moskvin! He ran over to the little girl, and took the wire cutters from her.

He was rewarded with a nice bash to the forehead with a wrench, as he fell to the ground, a bit stunned.

The girl had hoisted _HIS_ Sasha to take _**HIS**_ Sasha away to do Marx-knows-what to _**HIS SASHA**_. In anger, he dashed over to one of his Reapers, started the engine, and the machine clanked forward.

Back at the Tank Hanger, Isara had basically dismantled Sasha so she could see what the inside looked like when you didn't bash it with a wrench like it was a Sentry Gun and you were a TF2 Engineer (and she had no idea why she made that comparison because she didn't know what TF2 or a Sentry was). She looked up from the Terror Drone when Moskvin started shouting from atop his Reaper.

"!" Moskvin said in ALLCAPS BECAUSE IT'S CRUISE CONTROL FOR KEWL LOL with his arms flailing about like a rabid madman chasing a rabbit who happened to be mad at garlic because it dislikes garlic FOR NO REASON.

The Reaper took a Lance shot to the left leg, and Moskvin's reaper fell over on its side, tossing the Sadistic Soviet loon from his pearch atop the machine, and onto the DIRTY CAPITALIST SWINE GROUND AGH!

He "aghed" a few more times for good measure, then magically produced an ADK-45 and rattled away, screaming like an Evil Communist Banshee.

Welkin decided that since such a mentally unstable person (who was also a bad shot) couldn't pose any more threat than himself to S7, he simply took the assault rifle from Moskvin's hands, lead the Soviet away, and told him to get back to his own timeline.

Moskvin asked for Sasha back, because Isara could have any terror drone but she COULD NOT HAVE SASHA WAAAAAAA!

So there was the entirety of S7, minus the preoccupied Isara, staring at Moskvin as he had a mental breakdown. Then along came the Japanese Samurai people with their beam katanas to kill everyone, which they did.

YOUR MISSION IS A FAILURE.

RESTART!

---END?---


End file.
